For this week’s Gamer Dad Confessional, we travel back in time to Winter 2012 when I first brought my son home and discovered the most practical use for those infant torture backpacks known as Baby Bjorns. Its true purpose revealed itself to me during a League of Legends ranked match.

My partner and I picked up our particular model on clearance at 1/3 the price of others. She liked the price, I liked it for a different more sinister reason. The color palette spoke to me. It was the original NES scheme. Before my son would hold a controller, an NES console would hold him. The subliminal programming to become a gamer began even before he was hatched.

Fast forward to the month we brought the baby home, and well, you can see the photos below. Cute lil devil, isn’t he?

When my partner wanted to take a shower and didn’t want to wait for the game to end, I told her to strap the Bjorn to me and didn’t miss a gank as the team’s jungler playing my favorite champion Udyr. I promise that I don’t abuse this power so don’t call social services or anything.

The point here is that I’m cunning and my son is going to be awesome. I have worked very hard to ensure that he grows up loving video games and I can NEVER SEE THAT BACKFIRING. Parenting win.

I realize exactly now that a killing could be made selling video game character Baby Bjorns. Imagine a little Pikachu backpack with a baby inside or a Solid Snake Box Bjorn. I’m going to be so rich!

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