The Critic’s Dilemma

Mephisto Mori/ November 26, 2014/ Video Games/ 0 comments

Sometimes I write a review for a game and feel I’ve been “too nice” for how terrible I thought the game was.  It’s the horrible plight of trying to maintain an objective, but entertaining edge.

But if I’m too nice then there is a crop of reviewers out their basically giving out free blowjobs to horrible games.

Take the Assassin’s Creed series.  There isn’t a franchise more deserving (Call of Duty) of critical scrutiny.  The titles have been caught in the safe sequel, cash-grab spiral for so long they’ve begun to cause a black hole.  Seriously CERN needs to get their ass over to Ubisoft HQ.  Those motherfuckers are breaking science they’ve gotten so bad.

I get it.  I absolutely get it.  When you encounter gameplay you love, you really just want to keep playing that game.  Developers really want to sell you that game again – it’s basically free money for minimal effort.  They really, really want to sell you that game again.  And that is entirely the problem.  There still needs to be progress and adequate reason to justify selling you another game in the installment.  You deserve more than the Madden approach to an action-adventure game.

Progressing the story is often a great way to sell more of the same… but if the story sucks as much as It-was-aliens Creed, the veil slips.  When bugs persist from one game to the next and glaring issues in gameplay loiter around, the ruse should be over.  Ubisoft it’s obvious you’re just in it for the money.  Gamers deserve more.

It was Aliens Creed

Eventually other games come along that do what you attempted to do with the gameplay but better.  Look at Dead Space vs. RE5.  Shadows of Mordor vs. AC 1.5billion.  The gameplay has been revitalized and a new IP brings an opportunity for a new story with, hopefully, interesting characters.

Ubisoft isn’t going to stop developing these games because gamers keep paying for essentially the same game with a facelift and a worse story.  The gameplay of Assassin’s Creed: Unity has become littered with pop-up ads to sell you more shit showing their intent in the most direct way since EA Origins.  The game design is lazier than it’s ever been.  They’re fucking outsourcing the programming at this point.  The Indonesia team develops one dungeon, Canada works on the E3 playable part, and Kenya does the WW2 flashback.  It’s appalling.  And critics aren’t as relentless as they should be in calling them on their shit.

I am resolved to be crueler to games that deserve it.  There are plenty of reviewers out their willing to blow smoke up your ass to appease the early access Gods that keep them in business.  Someone needs to pick up the slack.  And we as gamers need to up our expectations.  “The same game again” shouldn’t be enough.  See through the gimmicks.  Call a spade, a spade.  And when in doubt, give your money to the new IP or Indie developer.  They’re not poisoning the well as directly as the Triple A guys.

Share this Post

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.