Killer Nope. A long-form rant with a purpose (Yes, it’s about Halo 5).

Mephisto Mori/ August 19, 2015/ Geek Culture, Video Games/ 0 comments

October is fast approaching. That means a number of things. Better weather, beautiful leaves, and my favorite holiday. My autumnal bias and love of carved gourds aside, it also means that video game release season will soon be at full power. To say it another way a saturation of AAA titles (and even some indie sleepers) will be offered up to the holiday hype gods. I look forward to their sacrifice – some more than others.

Topping the list of “More” are MGS V (9/1), Armikrog (9/8), Soma (9/22), Until Dawn (8/25), Let it Die  (2015???). There’s another dozen or so titles but this list is already longer than I thought it would be. Honorable mention for Mad Max (9/1) – I’m ambivalent bordering on intrigued. Yes, “Fall 2015” is looking good. Hell, even the prospect of a new Guitar Hero (10/20) is exciting though I’m not personally into rhythm games.

Then there’s the “others” category. Two specific games I’m distinctly not excited about. Games that leave a void of happiness when I think about the parade of fanbois celebrating mediocrity and the cash register noise that accompanies them like an anthem. Guess the two yet? Assassin’s Creed: Syndacrap and Halo 5: Guardiyawns.

But you know what? I’ve been trying really hard this year to soften my hatred of other nerds and in general be a more positive person (the latter is a constant struggle that requires conscious effort). In the spirit of “hate the game, not the players,” I’m ready to move on. I’m past hate and onto pity.

The AC series went from a flawed but unique game to a bland series of constant cash-cows with an increasingly asinine story that got disconnected from the initial McGuffin premise. I’ve spent so much time being disappointed in the series that I don’t even have energy left to bash it anymore. I’m ready to turn over a new leaf, however. Not give it a chance again or anything, mind you. Ubisoft doesn’t need my fucking money.

Speaking of not needing my money, Halo 5: Guardians comes out October 27th and it gives me that dark cloud overhead feeling. The number-with-a-thing-after-a-colon title implies it will be an incomplete game sold at full-retail price with the rest of the game and story sold off as high-priced DLC in a manner similar to Starcraft II. I expect nothing less. Sad that the fan base also expects it, condones it, and even reveres it. But hey, consumerism/capitalism, am I right?

Presuming the success and praising a game that’s not out yet has always bugged me. Halo 5: Guardians could basically be a flash game at this point and it’s already made its money back with pre-sales and sponsors. Recognizing and assuming the automatic success of their game, Microsoft is having a million dollar launch tournament. It’s similar to what Injustice did – WB just dumped money into the tournament scene to force competitive players into giving it a chance despite their better judgement. Doubling down on the tournament scene, Halo 5 opted for an ESRB Teen rating. It’s the first in a franchise of (now) ten games to not have an M label. Ratings don’t actually affect game sales the same way they do movies. So why reduce the amount of blood and the exploding, ragdoll minions? Easy, to achieve the widest possible range of sponsorship deals as an eSport.

One thing that won’t be changing is Halo 5: Guardians will be an XBox One exclusive title. And that’s where my vexation begins. If the aim is to be a successful eSport, why not release your game on PC? If your aim is to sell Xbox Ones, why all the pandering and effort toward the tournament scene? Microsoft thinks they can achieve both and to some extent, they’re probably right. They do have a massive fanbase ripe for exploitation – that’ll sell the consoles. The million dollar tournament out of the gates will see an initial influx of hype on the tournament scene. The question that will inevitably be answered is can it sustain?

The biggest eSports are and have always been PC. And the multiplayer first approach to full-retail games has largely failed (see Evolve and Titanfall).

On the tournament scene, the fall of otherwise great games has been exclusivity. Even the fighting genre – traditionally thought of as a console driven market – garners much of its success through partnerships with Steam. King of Fighters and Street Fighter 4 have lauded PC matchmaking that have fed their continued success and interest at EVO and MLG before and long after the bottom fell out of Injustice. That said, the fighting genre makes/pays a pittance compared to CS:GO, Starcraft, DOTA 2, and LOL; those are the games Halo 5 aspires to be like. Microsoft is even working furiously on mouse and keyboard support for games on the Xbox One – a handicap that until solved will keep the truly elite FPS players from sustaining interest.

Let’s review:

Microsoft with Halo 5: “Amputated-Experience, Buy-DLC-to-Complete-it” is saying they will sell Xbox Ones in droves because exclusive title and it will be the biggest fucking thing ever on the tournament scene despite that exclusivity. Bold statement.

While I find the audacity offensive, have a core issue with the sort of pay to win tactics employed, and dislike sheepish fanbois of mediocre franchises, I’m ready to let all bygones be. Halo 5 will make money. It’ll sell Xbox Ones. And the tournament scene? I’m skeptical but ultimately don’t have any skin in the game to truly care if they succeed at toppling CS:GO. Hell, I hate COD more than Halo. Power to Microsoft if they take Doodies down a peg. It’s been far too long since Quake was king and I’ll accept any sci-fi shooter at this point.

The thing that truly bothers me here is that people refer to Halo as an “app.” Yes, you’ve just read 1000 words and are just now getting to the thing that really boils my piss (hopefully it’s been an enlightening journey). Don’t call Halo 5 a “killer app.” Don’t call any video game not exclusively developed for a fucking cellphone or tablet an app. And don’t call some of those apps. It is too disingenuous a designation for the robust art of video games. Furthermore, this sort of deliberate dumbing down of our language and reliance on internet slang and acronyms outside of texting and typing is unnecessary and harmful to society. Our vocabularies have suffered enough – they’re half what they were two decades ago and the sharp decline continues. Don’t be a part of the problem.

I propose an arrangement based on mutual respect. I won’t bash Halo 5. You don’t deliberately stunt the English language. Say, “game.” Game is fine and monosyllabic if you’re pressed for time. The Killer App? Just nope. Besides, it’s a Teen game now. The amount of kill has been significantly reduced.

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