I got nothing…
I know it’s been a few weeks of silence and me, the man of many opinions have none to share with you. I apologize.
Currently I’m listening to the blues (Junior Kimbrough) and watching my son eat oatmeal and watch PBS kids’ shows. There’s a couple thoughts cycling through my head about my book but no video game ambitions – writing, playing, or otherwise. I guess I could write that Batman Review but…
“My ambition is handicapped by laziness.” – Charles Bukowski
It just takes it out of me – life and responsibility and such. I’ve always been a head in the clouds kind of guy. Thirty years of it and I’m now realizing there’s a conflict inherent. Reality bores me but I am incapable of escaping it. Do not misunderstand me. There’s a welcomed peace in this moment and escapism is awesome. Writing is awesome. But neither pay the bills, buy me games, or raise my child. And nothing can stave off the coming dual unemployment my family faces.
I don’t know, man. I guess I just got the blues right now (and these past couple weeks) and that’s really what’s handicapped my productivity. How does one opine when they’re too worried? It’s so much easier to just lose myself in a game late at night than to write a story. Writing brings everything that’s bugging me to the forefront. I suppose that’s the big difference between successful authors and people like me with a site comprised of glorified Facebook status updates. They’ve learned to focus or channel emotions rather than be troubled by them, give up, and go play a game.
Still, little feels as good to me as completing a work. Ever beat Mass Effect 2? Remember that feeling? Amplify that by an arbitrarily large number, let’s say 1000, and that’s what it feels like for me to finish writing something. It’s awesome to feel that way. Why don’t I want to feel that way all the time?
It’s complicated. Laziness. Confidence. Reality.
I guess what I’m really saying to the dozen or so regulars and the sometimes hundreds of people that end up on this site is… “I’m still here,” and “thanks for letting me vent a little.”
I’ll be back with a review or some rant soon.